Sorry guys! ;_;

I KNOW!!! I KNOW!!! No post tonight because I totally forgot that I had to read Sallust's The Jugurthine War over spring break. Oops. Don't you hate it when you forget about Sallust? I know I do. [sighs] Page 1...

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!!!

Special!--"Though Philomela"

Well, I was thinking about what to do today, when I realized that something ELSE I could do for this blog was music based on classical stuff, as well. It might be considered a "modern adaptation" sometimes, but what do you do for genuinely OLD music?? Therefore, I've decided to make Friday a sort of hodge-podge between Pic of the Week and Music of the week. That way, I have more material, and I'm not always scrounging around for stuff, all the time.

Anyway, today we're going to look at a madrigal written by a man named Thomas Morley entitled "Though Philomela." For more information about the actual myth, read here. What I'm going to do today is link to three renditions of this song from Youtube and give you what I think about their performances.

Here are the lyrics:

Though Philomela lost her love,
fresh note she warbleth yes! again;
Fa la la la.
He is a fool that lovers prove:
and leaves to sing, to live in pain.
Fa la la la

Version 1:

Yes. That IS a male soprano. I actually thought this was a really good version of the song, but then, I'm biased towards choirs that make use of male sopranos. I don't have much to say about this version, except that it's an all around good rendition. I'd give it an A.

Version 2:

Uhm... what? Seriously, they took a LOT of liberties with this song. Like, what was up with the tempo during the "falala" part?? (and yes, I've performed this song, so I know how it's supposed to sound) And WHAT IS UP WITH THE BOUNCING GIRL?! Seriously, stand still during a choral performance! She'd be great if this was a solo competition, but it's not. Also, I felt their vowels were a little spread, though I think only choral fanatics would notice that. I understand that they're German and not native English speakers, but that doesn't give them the excuse to go spread. This was the worst version that I found, though I only looked at these three versions. Seriously guys, don't perform like this. I'll give this performance a C.

Version 3:

I think I like this version the best, mainly because you can hear the alto part best of all in this version, haha. They have great pronunciation, too! The one major downside I see in this particular version is the bouncing. I'm particularly harsh on bouncing because I've been repremaned for doing it about 20 million times. Yet, at least the bouncing in this version seems controlled and on beat... the bouncing in version 2 seemed out of left field. Also in this version, you have another song right after it, so keep listening! They do a good job on that one, too. This version gets an A.

~~~

Alright, so maybe this one wasn't the most educational blog post I've ever had, but eh... you got to listen to (mostly) pretty music, right? If you like this song, here's a link to the choral wiki. There you can find midis and the sheet music.

And I know, it seems pretty mean of me to rip on other people's performances, but that's what choir people do. We're all generally mean like that. =P

You guys okay? Alright then. I'm going to go... do something else. Yes.

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

Modern Adaptation of the Week-- The Sea of Monsters

Well, I'm actually getting this done fairly early today. HOORAH!!! I think this has something to do with the fact that I don't want to get back to reading Herland by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Interesting book, but ehh... "homework" always makes things more boring.

At any rate, today I'm going to review my favorite of all the Percy Jackson and the Olympans books, The Sea of Monsters. I'll try to be FAIR AND BALANCED, but since this one is my favorite, that might be sort of hard. Come to think of it, perhaps I shouldn't be aspiring to write like Fox News.

Anyway, prepare for

SPOILERS!!!

Pros:

+LUKE!!!: NOW I may finally discuss the character of Luke! In the first book, we meet Luke, the son of Hermes who helped Annabeth get to Camp Half-blood when they were all much younger. Oh, and also Thalia, but she got turned into a tree that protects the camp. However, by the end of the first book, we find out that LUKE HAS BEEN TRYING TO RESURRECT THE TITANS!!! OH NOES!!! WHATEVER IS A YOUNG WARRIOR LIKE PERCY GOING TO DO?! He's going to have a little duel with Luke at the end of the first book and then limp away like a wounded puppy as Luke gets off scott free. By the way, did I mention that Luke has a huge scar running down his face? Man, this guy has anime potential! Then, the second book. So somehow, this seventeen year old gets his hands on a boat, which is pretty awesome, as well as a crew of monsters. Which is also pretty awesome. Here's this description of Luke from book 2:

He'd changed since the last summer. Instead of Bermuda shorts and a T-shirt, he wore a button-down shirt, khaki pants, and leather loafers. His sandy hair, which used to be so unruly, was now clipped short. He looked like an evil male model, showing off what the fashionable college-age villain was wearing to Harvard this year.

He still had the scar under his eye--a jagged white line from his battle with a dragon. And propped against the sofa was his magical sword, Backbiter, glinting strangely with its half-steel, half-Celestial bronze blade that could kill both mortals and monsters. (125)

With the first paragraph, I can't help but to think of Yagami Raito from Death Note (screw you new fans; it's RAITO!!! DX ). With the second paragraph, you're reminded of just how cool this guy is, and you begin to wonder why an anime hasn't been dedicated to him. A battle with a dragon? A magical sword that can kill men and monster alike? (The other swords in this series can only kill monsters) TOO COOL!!! Not to mention that it takes freaking CENTAURS to defeat this kid in the end! You know... CENTAURS. A BUNCH OF THEM. This is why Luke is my favorite character... for the first two books. (I'll complain about him in the next two books! D: )

+Working with the source material: I feel that of all the books, this one has the greatest cohesion, primarily because this book mostly takes from The Odyssey. The first one is just a hodge-podge of myths, the third one has mostly do to with myths of the titans, and the fourth one has to do with myths about Crete. While the third and the fourth have a certain cohesion, this one wins for taking mostly from one source. While I've never been the biggest fan of The Odyssey, despite my collection, it gives this book a sense of direction that I think all the other ones lack.

+Chapter Titles: I think I just have to do this every week, since the chapter titles for these books are always so interesting. Here's a taste of the best:
1. My Best Friend Shops for a Wedding Dress
2. I play Dodgeball with Cannibals
3. We Hail the Taxi of Eternal Torment
6. Demon Pigeons Attack
11. Clarisse Blows Up Everything
14. We Meet the Sheep of Doom

I swear, I want to take a course from Mr. Riordan about how to write titles. I need to learn!

+George and Martha: Hermes' snakes on his cadeuceus, which has been replaced by a cellphone. They're a great source of humor, as evidenced by this scene:

[Hermes] hung up. "Sorry. the overnight express business is just booming. Now, as I was saying--"

"You have snakes on your phone."

"What? Oh, they don't bite. Say hello, George and Martha."

Hello, George and Martha, a raspy male voice said inside my head. (99)

Yeah, this is a pretty funny line, but I think it's also proof that these books were also written with adults in mind as well as kids. For those unfamiliar, this line is a parody off of the famous exchange that was supposedly used in the Burns and Allen show: "Say 'goodnight,' Gracie!" "'Goodnight, Gracie!'" This line never actually made it into the show, but it's pretty famous, nonetheless, and all the parents reading this book with their kids would probably know the line. It's a nice, small gesture towards the adults.

But that really wasn't my point. I just like George and Martha because they're silly. Also, it's sort of relieving to have a god other than Poseidon like Percy. All of the other ones are put off by him, but Hermes is cool (so is Apollo, but he comes in later).

+Tyson: Upon finding out that Percy is the son of Poseidon, my roommate asked, "PLEASE let him have a cyclops as a brother!" Of course, she was referencing the part of the Odyssey when Odysseus meets up with Polyphemus, the cyclops, who is also a son of Poseidon. I was able to say with a certian amount of glee that he does--Tyson. You really can't hate Tyson. Hes a pretty cute character, despite his physical looks and the fact that he's not all up there with brain smarts. How does he live in the human world? Well... I'll let you read to find out!

Cons:

-Lack of Character Development Pre-story: This problem comes up over and over again in this series. While this one isn't so bad, it starts off what I consider to be a very big letdown in what is otherwise a very good series. What I mean is that we're introduced to a character at the beginning of the story that we're just somehow supposed to believe that Percy met and became quite close friends with all in a very short amount of time. It was ok to do that in the first book with Grover, because we knew nothing of this world to begin with. Now that we know the world, sometimes it's hard to believe some of these relationships. In this book, I'm talking about Tyson. He's sort of a plus and a minus at the same time. I wish this book would go into how they met and what Percy thought of Tyson and the nitty gritty and all that, but it just says, "AAAAAND now we're friends!" Granted, it's not the worst mistake that Mr. Riordan could make, but it's more of an irritation that sort of refuses to die in this series.

-Thalia: I'm not a big fan of her. When we're first introduced to her via dream sequence, she's dressed like a little goth/punk girl. I'll give him credit that he actually uses both terms as if they are different terms; many people don't know the difference between "goth" and "punk," which irritates me. I tend to find that authors who go this route are simply looking to fill a demographic. Maybe I'm being a little unfair; I had no qualms about her in THIS book; it's next book that I take issue with her. A lot. That being said, I myself have used this technique before; however, it was in a teen vampire romance novel. Yeah... and in my defense, THAT'S where the money is, right now!

~~~

Well... that's all for now, folks! Perhaps I could have written more, but there is a banana split in the kitchen with my name on it! Bye, guys!

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!


Riordan, Rick. The Sea of Monsters. Hyperion: New York, 2006.

Text of the Week--The Agamemnon

Sorry I'm doing this last minute. I actually forgot about writing this blog, today. I WAS SO ENGROSSED IN READING DOWN AND OUT IN THE MAGIC KINGDOM THAT I TOTALLY FORGOT!!! (Did you believe that? Well, at any rate, it WAS a really freaking good book. Click on the link; you can download the book for free.)

Well, today, son, we need to have the talk. I'm quite sure your mother's been itching to have this talk with you, but I knew I had to talk to you first.

We need to talk to you about carpets, and walking on them.

... you know, I actually DIDN'T mean for that to sound sexual. But it does. It really, REALLY does.

ANYWAY. Walking on carpets is VERY, VERY BAD, because the gods will SMITE YOU like they did the main character of today's text-- The Agamemnon. It's the first play in the Oresteia, so we'll be covering that group of plays for the entire month of March.

As a little bit of background: All Greek tragic performances were actually performed as a group of three tragic plays, all sort of related to each other, and a satyr play as the last one. (remember that pic of the satyr I had not too long ago? Now, try to imagine what a satyr play is like...) The ONLY fully surviving group of plays that we have, minus the satyr play, is The Oresteia written by Aeschylus. Someone who knows their stuff a little more might argue with me on Sophocles' Oedipus plays, but no, he wrote those three for three different competitions (and for the record, Sophocles is my favorite of all the tragic writers).

With that in mind, let us plunge into the waters of...

SPOILERS!!! (how very Greek of me, what with the "waters" bit...)

Pros:

+DEEP: Nowadays, we consider writers like Ernest Hemmingway and Ayn Rand to be DEEP. All those ancient people? Pah! They just talked about guys creaming themselves all over womens and then the handkercheif from that creaming creates a species of snake people that eventually become an ancient civilization. Actually, that's true, but there was also some DEPTH in them thar hills of Greece. I wish I could take a picture of a few pages of my copy of The Agamemnon and show it to you. I have writing and highlighter marks EVERYWHERE, because there's a lot of DEPTH all over this play! I feel like this is primarily accomplished by the use of symbolism and ambiguity. When you're reading The Agamemnon, watch out for images of light/dark, lions, and nets, to name only a few. As far as the ambiguity goes, pay close attention to the use of the term "justice" or ANYTHING having to do with legal terms, for that matter. It's sort of funny how EVERYONE in this play has a claim to justice. Who will win? Only time (and reading the other two plays) will tell...

+Cassandra: WOW. Just... WOW. The professor who initially taught me the Oresteia said that if he were to go back in time and witness one thing, he would go and watch the Cassandra portion of the Agamemnon. When he first said that, I was a little skeptical, but after reading it nearly forty billion times, I see his point. She's... something. When she's first wheeled into the play, she doesn't say ANYTHING, but watches in despair as Agamemnon, the man who captured her, is led off to his doom (I feel like there's a bit of Stockholm Syndrome here...). Then, once it looks like everything is going to calm down... WHAMMO!!! THERE SHE IS, GO GO GO!!! Yeah, I'm purposefully being vague. I want you to read it and see what I mean. Now. I'll provide a link to an etext online at the end of this post, how about that?? :D

+Cassandra/Clytemnestra Dynamic: For being so mysoginistic, those Greeks had some dynamo women. I put this as its own point because I'm not just talking about Cassandra here; I'm talking about the way these two interact. It's amazing, because it's all silence on Cassandra's part. While the evil Clytemnestra, who was NOT the original "main" villain of the story but is in this play, lures her husband Agamemnon to his doom, Cassandra refuses to submit to Clytemnestra's will. Funny how only a woman can defy Clytemnestra's ALL POWERFUL EVILNESS. Even in the next play, Orestes is duped by her at some point. Neither of the other two main men in this story, Agamemnon nor Aegisthus, can even compare to the strength of these two women. Best of all, she doesn't get all bitchy at Clytemnestra and go off the handle in front of her; Cassandra is silent for the entire exchange, as I suggested earlier. Seriously, it's a wonderfully handled scene. I wish ALL of the scenes in the Oresteia were handled this well, but alas... I'll complain about that next week. =P

+Emotion: Of course, it's not a good tragedy if it doesn't make you feel anything for the characters. (Was I being opinionated again? Whoops, silly me...) Truthfully, I didn't feel much for Agamemnon, except "GOD YOU'RE STUPID!!! GET OFF THAT DAMN CARPET!!!" With Cassandra... if you can't tell, she's my favorite character in this play. You really do feel bad for her at the end as she's dragged off to her doom, KNOWING she's going to die (that's part of her curse. Read more on her here.) You also learn to hate and fear Clytemnestra. I swear, my mental image of her is always Maleficent. I know, I know... the Greeks would have totally hated the kick ass female villain, even more than the kick ass male villain, but eh... you got to admit, someone THAT cunning is pretty scary business. At the very least, I like her as a villain.

Cons:

-... MAAAAAYBE a little too DEEP: Our professor had us read this play first of all the tragic plays for a reason; it's really fracking hard to read. This is mostly caused by the chorus, since they're so dense and chalk full of symbolism. And no, you can't just skip over the chorus. They provide BACKSTORY. At the very least, you've got to read over this play a couple of times. If you're like me, you've read it forty billion times, and can probably quote it by heart. (Actually... I can't.)

-Stupidest way of dying... ALMOST EVER: Actually, that award would go to the dwarf who got swollwed by a hippo. At any rate, it was a Clytemnestra/Aegisthus team up, in the bathroom, with a net. Seriously, Agamemnon and Cassandra die while taking a bubble bath or some stupid shit like that. I suppose I can't fault Aeschylus TOO much for that; that's a detail of the actual story. Still, it's a great tabloid headline: FAMOUS WAR GENERAL KILLED IN TUB BY WIFE.

-The "GODDAMMIT AGAMEMNON!!!" moments: FFFFFFF--!!! One of the aggravating things about this play is the sheer stupidity of Agamemnon. The reason why it was so bad for him to walk on that tapestry is that it would have made him seem like he was acting like a god, and thus giving Clytemnestra and Aegisthus the justification needed for killing him. Now, son, we have had the talk.

~~~

I tried to make this one FAIR AND BALANCED, but seriously, of all three plays, this one is my favorite. I have more negative to say about The Libation Bearers and the Eumenides, but The Agamemnon is actually a pretty damn good play.

E-text version of The Agamemnon

Well, what are you waiting for? Go read it! :D

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

Pic of the Week--SNAKES ON MY PLANE?!

Whoo-hoo! At least ONE entry gets done on time this week!

Sorry for scaring you guys with the satyr. I was going to scare you guys with WHORES WHORES WHORES, but I can't find that pic on my compy. So... you get this, instead.
Those are snakes attacking those guys. Who are those guys? Why, they're Laocoon and his boys, of course, in all their naked glory! So... I guess I have to tell story time, now?? I guess so.

SO. One day, the Greeks were like, "HEY, LET'S TRICK THE TROJANS!!! WIIIIIIITH... A HERRING!!!" Okay, actually, it was a horse. We all know THAT story. What less of us know is that poor little Laocoon was like, "GUYS. Beware the gift-bearing Greeks!" Which Minerva (that's Athena to you Greekies!) didn't like, so she sent some snakes to attack Laocoon and his sons. Of course, the Trojans took that as a sign of, "OH SHI--!!! WE GOTTA TAKE THE HORSE!!!"

And of course, Troy was lost because Minerva killed off their smartest, nakedest man. With snakes.

And now, you know.

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

Modern Adaptation of the Week (late)--The Lightning Thief

In our continuation of PERCY JACKSON MONTH, I'm going to review the first book of the series, The Lightning Thief. Truthfully, this is my second favorite book of the series... even IF my little brother spoiled it for me by telling me EVERY SINGLE FREAKING PLOT DETAIL before I ever sat down to read the book (in his defense, though, he said that he didn't expect that I'd ever read it at all. Then, I was like, "YOU MENTIONED GREEKS!!! OF COURSE I'M GOING TO READ IT!!!"). Nevertheless, it's a great book, and a great way to kick off a great series!

Ready to begin? [Y/N]

SPOILERS!!! (Yeah... I'm gettin' tired of the "ahoy" part... the ninja in me doesn't like it)

Pros:

+Characterization: This is something I'm going to complain about in later books, so I'll go ahead and say that the characterization in this first book is excellent, especially on the part of our hero, Percy. At the beginning of the book, we're introduced to this kid who's not always got everything going his way, like at his school field trips:

Like at my fifth-grade school, when w went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon. I wasn't aiming for the school bus, but of course I got expelled anyway. And before that, at my fourth-grade school, when we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the Marine World shark pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unplanned swim. And the time before that... Well, you get the idea.

This trip, I was determined to be good. (2-3)

Of course, it never is for poor little Perseus. After having fights with the school bully and getting called out for it, he has a creepy run-in with a teacher who happens to be a monster! Once Percy kills her... everyone acts like that teacher never existed. However, the rest of the semester still sucks, and he's eventually kicked out of school. When he gets home, we see what his home life is like; his step-dad, Smelly Gabe, is a real creep! He treats Percy and his mom like they're not even worth his time! Percy's mom is awesome, though. It sucks when she dies.

[GASP!]

Of all the dynamics in this book, I think the relationship between Percy and his mother is the most touching. It's obvious Percy loves his mother, and like most little boys with an abusive father, wants to protect his mother at all costs. After she dies and he's sent to summer camp, he does everything in his power not only to look for the one who took Zeus' master bolt (thus the title of the story), but to save his mom from Hades.

From all of this, I think we can deduce that Percy is not a bad kid; he may do bad things, but he is not a bad kid himself. He's fallable, just like the rest of us, which is why I really like him.

Did I mention I like Percy as a character? Yes.

+The handling of religion: In a book about Greek gods, the subject of religion is BOUND to come up, especially with the backlash of the church against Harry Potter. I think that this book handles the issue of religion VERY well.

"Wait," I told Chiron. "You're telling me there's such a thing as God."

"Well, now," Chiron said. "God--capital G, God. That's a different matter altogether. We shan't deal with the metaphysical."

"Metaphysical? But you were just talking about--"

"Ah, gods, plural, as in, great beings that control the forces of nature and human endevors: the immortal gods of Olympus. That's a smaller matter."

"Smaller?"

"Yes, quite. The gods we discussed in Latin class." (67)

I think this is a genius move. He neither acknowledges nor denies the existence of God, leaving it open to the religion of ANY family. The one backlash I can see is if someone took the bit from Paradise Lost too seriously about the Catalogue of Demons, and how they're actually all foreign gods. Those people will never be happy, I think.

+Chapter Titles: I forgot to mention this in the last blog post, but MAN, these titles are a riot! Here's a few of the better ones:

1. I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-algebra Teacher
2. Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death
3. Grover Unexpectedly Loses His Pants
6. I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom
12. We Get Advice from a Poodle
16. We Take a Zebra to Vegas

There's more, of course, but these ones are my faves. I think they also get better as the series goes on, too.

+Introducing us to the world: I think this book does a really good job of introducing us to Percy's world. I suppose I can't give any examples, but I'll just say that the pacing is really good.

+Luke: LUKE GETS HIS OWN SECTION BECAUSE HE'S TOO SEXY FOR ANYTHING ELSE!!! For those wondering who Luke is, Luke is the son of Hermes who, by the end of book 1... nah, I'll let you read it. I don't want to spoil it for you. :) Luke will be discussed in more detail in later books.

Cons:

-Innaccuracies: It's not really enough to make me go "OMG YOU HEATHEN!!!" It's little stuff, like, "Ooh, the Eta looks like an 'H'! Therefore, it's Hephaestus' symbol!" ACTUALLY, for those who don't know Greek, what would make the 'h' noise in Hephaestus' name is a little apostrophe looking thing at the beginning of the word called a "breathing mark." I'm not too mad about little stuff like this because really, that would be too hard to explain to kids.

... yeah, I really don't mean to make my posts SOOOO obviously one-sided. If it makes you guys feel any better, I have some complaints about future books, so =P

~~~

Yep, that's all I have time for today, kiddies! Sorry for the late post, but here ya go!

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!!!

Riordan, Rick. The Lightning Thief. Hyperion: New York, 2005.

Text of the Week (late)-- The Satyricon

I feel as though I've been unfair to the Romans. You know, it's not like everything they wrote was a bomb. I just... have bad feelings towards Vergil. But that's not to say that other Romans were bad writers. So today, I'm going to review a very special Roman friend: Petronius.

Of course, there's a problem we already have, because while we have this name, "Petronius," that's it... that's all we know of this guy. Oh sure, there's a couple of dudes that the historians think may fit the bill, but we don't REALLY know who Petronius IS. If I had my text, I would cite that, but since I don't... maybe I could cite it next week...

Anyway, why do I like this text so much?

SPOILERS AHOY!!!

(That really IS dumb sounding. I think I was in a medicine-induced haze when I thought of that one. Anyone got anything better??)

Pros:

+REALLY stinkin funny: Okay guys, the name of this is "Satyricon," from which we get the word "Satire." This isn't just some text with a few funny parts. This is frickin' hilarious! The main story involves a guy named Enclopius, our narrator, who has this little boy that he likes, Giton. Okay, I say "little boy," but he was probably in his later teenage years. And yes, I KNOW what you're saying! "But we do not understand! The Romans thought that the oily Greeks and their pederasty was disgusting!" Yes, well... I'm not so convinced that the Romans TRULY hated the Greeks THAT much. Anyway, along with Enclopius and Giton is Ascyltus, who also has a thing for poor little Giton. Hilarity ensues from there, including being tortured by crazy women who have a thing for them, and going to a ridiculously overblown party thrown by a guy named Trimalchio. Perhaps my favorite part of this story is the bit at Trimalchio's party where someone tells a story about werewolves. Yes. You read that correctly. Romans had werewolves. Perhaps it may seem surprising, considering the fact that we tend to associate Hollywood with so many of these beasties. Yet, the idea of people turning into animals is a pretty ancient one.

+GAY: Okay... so maybe this one is a negative for some people. However, I just find it HILARIOUS. As a good straight, Christian girl, I probably shouldn't. Nevertheless, I just find the entire thing to be amusing. I'm quite sure that Alan More likes the gay, as well.

+The Format: As a Latin student, you have no idea how pleased I am that the Satyricon is NOT poetry, which is surprising, considering the fact that most stories back then were told in poem format. This is probably a plus for most moderns in general, since we're used to reading prose, anyway. None of this silly "Alexander-Pope-Turning-Everything-Into-Heroic-Couplets" business.

+Werewolves: I just... and they piss on the ground... around their clothes and I just... have such awe for them! *A*

Cons:

-Fragments: As great as this story is, it's only in fragments. Imagine my sorrow when I got to the last page and realized that I had no idea what was going to happen next. It was very sad sorrow, indeed.

... yep, that's all I got! An otherwise excellent story!

~~~

I know, this one felt a little short. I apologize, but frankly, the humor is the best part of this thing. I'm serious; go drop whatever you're doing and read the Satyricon NOW. I won't talk to you until you do.

...

Okay, never mind. I will. But still, go read it!

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

Pic of the Week (late)-- Lions and Tigers and Satyrs... OH MY.

Alright, kiddies. I'm sorry that I've been gone so long, but now that my tests are over, I'm here!

Anyway, to make up for my absence, these next two posts are going to cover some... um... interesting ground, to say the least.

Might I remind you that this blog is not for kids? Also, this particular post is NSFW. (That's "not safe for work" for those of you new to the internet) You have been warned...

Alright, here it is, just... scroll down...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Y-yes... that's exactly what it looks like. It's a satyr balancing a cup on its penis. I would REALLY like to know the vase that this comes from, so if anyone figures it out, PLEASE tell me. To ensure that I'm using this as an educational opportunity and NOT just an opportunity to show you Greek porn, I believe that the cup he's balancing is called a Kantharos. You can tell by the shape, since it has a wide mouth and the handles extend pretty high above the mouth (... that sounds SO wrong...). It would have been used for drinking, so it's a pretty safe bet that he's at a drunken party. Also, this picture gives me the perfect opportunity to give you another vocabulary word: "ithyphallic." This word is from the Greek: "ithys" meaning "straight" and "phallos" meaning... well... "penis." Satyrs (half-man/half-goat, for those of you who can't tell) were known to be ithyphallic, and they always wanted to chase the girls around, since they were always afflicted with erections.

Now you know.

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

I'm a bad blogger...

Okay, kiddies, here's the deal; I am RIDICULOUSLY swamped with work. Therefore, no blogs until Tuesday. Sorry, but that's the price of my being a student. Guh. I promise some good stuff for Tuesday, though! :D Expect ithyphalic satyrs and gay Roman men!

Modern Adaptation of the Week--Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Okay, that's it. I've done enough stuff that I hate. I need to move on to something that I really and truly love. Something like...

PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS (by Rick Riordan)

For those of you who have never heard of this series, before, it's about a kid named Percy who finds out that he's a demigod, and he goes on adventures with his friends from Camp Half-blood, which houses other demigods, in order to save the camp and keep the gods from being completely destroyed. I was going to make March the Percy Jackson month, but unfortunately, I left my book 1 at home! Oh no! Well, if that's the case, then what I'll do today is sort of do a general overview of the series. You know, why I like the series as a whole. Next week, I'll review the first book, The Lightning Thief.

Also, I'll try to keep this post clean, because some little kid might run across this post while looking stuff up. This is, after all, a kid's book series. However, I beg all of you parents who let your tykes roam the internet, PLEASE keep them off this site! I really don't want to deal with angry parents wondering what sort of gig I have going on here. This is a blog for adults, not children.

Thank you.

And now, we sail off into...

SPOILERS AHOY!

(you know, one of these days, I REALLY need to change that catchphrase. It's sort of dumb, to say the least)

Pros:

+Lovable characters: This, more than anything else, is what draws me to the series. Even though I'm going to make an argument that this series is basically the Harry Potter of the Classical Studies community, the characters in this series are much more fleshed out. Honestly, I never felt that I could grow close to the characters in Harry Potter. The characters in Percy Jackson are a little different. Take Percy, for instance. He's not "The Boy Who Lived." He's this kid from inner city New York who keeps getting expelled from school, has both ADHD and dyslexia, has an abusive creep as a stepfather, and loves his mother a lot. I love the little things built into his personality, like his thing for blue foods. He's not perfect, and he's got an attitude, and I think that's what makes him lovable. More than Harry, he's more on our level. Also, the story is told from his point of view, which I think makes it more interesting. Actually, I love Percy so much that I even modeled a character off of him in one of my own stories, as far as the attitude goes.

Oh, did I mention that Percy has a satyr as a friend who loves enchilladas and is searching for the lost god Pan? I FREAKING LOVE GROVER!!! Grover's a sweetheart! If I ever found him, I would take him home and feed him enchilladas and tin cans and play boardgames with him. I think he's the Ron of the series, but he's SOOOOO cute! I think my favorite scene with Grover involves him at the Hotel of the Lotus Eaters--a play on the Island of the Lotus Eaters in the Odyssey--and he's playing a game where the deer shoot the humans instead of the other way around. As Percy and Annabeth try to drag him out, he starts screaming at them because he's so engrossed in the game. Truly, a brilliant scene.

And then, there's Annabeth. She's the Hermione of the series, right down to her intelligence (though I don't ever remember Hermione wanting to become an architect). She's the daughter of Athena, obviously. I'm not going to reveal who Percy's dad is, but because of his dad, she and Percy don't get along all the time, which makes for some funny scenes. However, they really are friends, and I personally am a Percibeth fan. (I DON'T KNOW THIS RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE GIRL, BUT I DON'T WANT PERCY TO HOOK UP WITH HER /endrant)

Beyond our main characters, there's a cast of all sorts of wonderful characters, from Chiron, to Mr. D, to Nico, to... LUKE.

Oh Luke. How could I ever forget about you? Oho, I won't spoil his character for you, but I'll say that he was my favorite for awhile. Mwahahaha...

+Clever use of source material: From the Hotel of the Lotus Eaters to the Labrynth, this book series makes an interesting use of the original Greco-Roman source material. As Chiron explains to Percy, the gods are actually following the "Heart of the West," so that wherever Western Civilization is, there the gods will be also. Where do the gods reside? The 600th floor of the Empire State Building. Where does Hades live? In Los Angeles. Really, it's all just very clever.

+Use of Greek/Latin: Yes, you can actually get a sampling of both Greek and Latin by reading this series! As far as I can recall, "Di immortales" (Latin) is used often, as well as "Erre eis korakas" (Greek). Actually, that Greek phrase is kinda funny, because while it literally means "Throw yourself to the crows" in Greek, it sort of equates to our "go to hell." Also, when I was a fledgling Greek student, I learned it as "Balle eis korakas." Eh, to each his own, I guess.

+Darkness/Heaviness of the series: I grew up on The Rats of Nimh and We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story. (you all have been saved from an image of Professor Screweyes because I can't find one straight from the movie. I guess he's too scary for the internet...) We had some really horrifying stuff in our movies, and you know what? We're not any worse for it. Actually, I think we're the better for it, because we weren't as shielded as children nowdays are. Percy Jackson is sort of similar. I still remember the day when my mom and I were at the gas station and she asked me, "So, I was flipping through those books, and they seemed really dark. Are you sure that they're okay for your little brothers (probably around 11 at the time) to read?" My answer is "yes." Children need a dose of heaviness. They can take it, I swear. Also, I think the heaviness makes the series more enjoyable for adults, too. It's not dumbed down, so we can read it as a good action/adventure story.

Cons:

-Harry Potter: Author Rick Riordan didn't intend for his series to be very similar to Harry Potter. He simply didn't have it in mind while he was telling these stories to his kid in order to cope with his diagnosis of ADHD and dyslexia. However, in a world where Harry Potter is by far the most popular children's book, the parallel is unavoidable. Rick Riordan actually likes the comparason. Personally, I think it's actually a negative. I can't stand it that EVERY kid's book nowadays is being compared to Harry Potter, when personally, I feel that Harry Potter is okay. That's it; I don't see it as the literary masterpiece that everyone else sees it as. It has its moments, sure, and it's certainly not bad, but I don't think it's fair to compare every children's book since God to Harry Potter. Even Diana Wynne Jones, C.S. Lewis, and J.R.R. Tolkien are being compared to J.K. Rowling, which pisses me off because all three of those authors were writing LONG before Ms. Rowling was. For those of you who have been living in a hole all these years, Ms. Rowling wasn't even a professional writer when she started. She hadn't published anything before Harry Potter. As a writer myself, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS PISSES ME OFF?! So fine. I'm jealous. I've got a little green-eyed monster running around in my brain somewhere. Still.

... where were we? Oh yes, Percy Jackson. The parallels are unavoidable; Percy spends his summer at a camp for other demigods like him (Harry spends his school year at a school for other wizards like him). He has two friends, a boy and a really smart girl (Harry has two friends... yadda yadda yadda). He has really awesome fighting skills and is the center of a prophecy (Ditto for Harry). I was sort of misleading earlier when I said that Percy is no "boy who lived." While he's not as perfect as Harry can sometimes be, Percy DOES have some attention cast his way due to his daddy (I won't reveal who he is until next week!). Also, Percy talks to horses (Harry talks to snakes). Actually, this last point is sort of unfair. It makes it look like the parallel is obvious, when in fact, there's a VERY specific reason that Percy can talk to horses that is otherwise unrelated as to why Harry can talk to snakes.

But yeah. That's my only major downside to this series, and really, it's unfair. I think Rick Riordan is a fine stand-alone author, and doesn't need to have Ms. Rowling connected to his name.

~~~

For those of you who are more interested in checking out this series, I have some links for you!

Rick Riordan's Official Site

Rick Riordan's Blog

Hyperion's Site for Percy Jackson

If you know any kids, I'd highly encourage you to tell them about this series. It's truly a good series.

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

Text of the Week--The Aeneid

Well, readers, for those of you who know me in real life (right now, I think that's all of you), you know that my past weekend sort of sucked monkey balls. Well, that's okay, right?! Because I'm going to review some text, I love, some text like--

"I sing of arms, and a man..."

...

Really? I'm reviewing that?! [sighs] This is all sorts of suck, isn't it?! Truthfully, when I read the Aeneid, I hated it. For those of you who have gone through the daunting task of translating ANY of the Aeneid, you know that it's a pain in the pa-tootey!

Don't quote me on that.

Anyway... oh dear. It's time we go down to...

SPOILERS AHOY!!!

Positives... positives... positives... uh...

+The Laocoon story: Okay, you've got to admit, being killed by GIANT SNAKES COMING UP FROM THE SEA AFTER WARNING THE TROJANS ABOUT GIFT-BEARING GREEKS is kinda epic. Then again, the Aeneid IS an epic...

Yep, that's all I got.

Cons:

-It's a bitch to translate: Did I mention that I hated translating this fucker?

-Treatment of women: You know, I don't normally complain how the ancient people treated women in their texts. I understand that it was simply a different culture (even if it IS wrong...). Yet, I cannot ignore the treatment of Dido in this text. I seem to recall that even the (supposedly) sexist Ovid treats Dido better in the Heroides. Vergil treats her like shit. He's basically like, "Haha, lookit stupid Dido, she fell in love with Aeneas even though she shouldn't have, and then she killed herself! What a bitch!" ARGH!!! Personally, I've always pitied Dido, in the same sort of way that I've always pitied Ophelia. They both committed suicide because of the shitty men in their lives.

This, my friends, is why Rome always hated Carthage; because that damned Roman walked out on his poor Carthaginian sweetheart.

-Flag Waving: AUGH!!! THAT'S ALL THIS TEXT CAN DO!!! "I love Rome! Rome hasn't been created yet... but did I mention that Rome is AWESOME?!" Nngh.

-Copycating the Odyssey: The Aeneid is often called the Roman Odyssey for a reason. Our story starts off around the fall of Troy, when the Trojans are finally being hacked-and-slashed by the Greeks after ten long years of fighting. As Laocoon is getting eaten by snakies, Aeneas is throwing his daddy dearest over his shoulder and high-tailing it out of Troy. After that, he gets a boat full of Trojans and goes on a bunch of rip-roaring adventures through the Mediterranian Sea. I suppose you could compare Dido to either Circe or Calypso, though I would be more comfortable comparing her to Calypso. Hell, there's even a scene were Aeneas has to go into the Underworld... just like in the Odyssey! Boy, we can't keep these ancient warriors out of the Underworld, can we? Unlike the Odyssey, however, the Aeneid has all that flag waving to take out some of the fun of the story. The Odyssey is just a great adventure, if a little boring at times. The Aeneid is just the preachy, Roman version of the Odyssey.

~~~

Yeah, so I sort of got on my pedestal for the Aeneid. Truthfully, it's been a long time since I've read it, and I don't want to read it again. I'm sort of picking at what I remember, since I haven't read it as many times as I've read Homer.

[sighs]

At any rate, so that I don't say that Vergil is a completely hopeless poet, I'll show you the most GENIUS thing the man ever wrote. Oh man... THIS is genius... I couldn't have done better myself.

"Wool shall no more learn to counterfeit varied hues, but of himself the ram in the meadows shall change his fleece, now to sweetly blushing purple, now to saffron yellow; of his own will shall scarlet clothe the grazing lamb." (from the fourth Eclogue. I wish I could find more about this)

... YES. Those are some motherfucking color changing sheep on my motherfucking plane. Or, in this case, utopia. When I first encountered this bit, I had to read it several times over just to make sure that I had read THAT AMOUNT OF AWESOMENESS. Holy shit. Color changing sheep. Mind=blown.

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

Pic of the Week--Map!

Well, I was thinking about what I could do for this week's pic, and I decided to put a little something up of my own creation. Sort of. Meaning that I photoshopped it.
Ta-da~! A map of Odysseus' travels. How did I know that all the good stories are between books 9-12? Because I had to make this thingy-ma-bobber. Actually, when I first had to make this, the professor gave me the original picture (without all the fancy words on it), which I still have as a poster. Hiding in my closet. Because my mother painted my room pink and won't let me put it back up. [sighs] But I WANT to go to sleep remembering Odysseus' voyages! Oh well...

Modern Adaptation of the Week--Disney's Hercules

Honey, I think you mean Hunk-ules.

For those of us who grew up in the 90s, this film was a part of our childhoods. Heck, I even remember the Meg toy that I got in... some fast food meal or other. I would play with her all the time, though she wouldn't stand up properly.

Oddly enough, I never watched this film much as a kid. I never saw it in theaters, and my parents never bought it for me. I think it had something to do with the fact that they were still kind of pissy about Pocahontas, what with making her a pagan, and all. (but Dad... she really would have been, at that point...)

All that aside, I'll say that it was a pretty good film. It wasn't one of Disney's best films, but it was pretty good nonetheless. Why was it a good film? Well, let's begin!

SPOILERS AHOY! (yeah, I know; if you haven't seen this film, there's something wrong with you. Spoiler warning nonetheless)

Pros:

+The Invocation to the Muses: Alright, I'm stretching it, since the Muses are sort of the way the story gets progressed throughout the film. Of course the film would start with them. However, it's totally appropriate in an epic poem to begin with an invocation to the muses. So appropriate, in fact, that I've heard arguments saying that neither the Epic of Gilgamesh nor Beowulf should be considered epic poems proper because they're both missing that element.

+The Music: This film is no Lion King. However, the music in this film is still pretty good, definitely among Disney's higher ranking quality songs (the lower ranking ones are all in sequals and in a good number of their animal films such as Fox and the Hound). My favorites are probably "Go the Distance" and "I Won't Say (I'm in Love)." That second one is especially fun to sing. I would probably say that my least favorite song--and really, the only one that I don't particularly care for--is "One Last Hope."

+The Jokes: Before the Disney Renaissance of the late 80s, early 90s (starting with The Little Mermaid, I believe), Disney didn't really seem to do jokes all that well. By the time Hercules rolled around, everyone had some sort of witty one-liner. There are a few jokes that actually stand out to me: (a)at the beginning, when Hermes says, "I haven't seen so much love in a room since Narcissus discovered himself" (or something like that...), (b)The scene with the Nemean Lion, who is actually Scar from The Lion King, and (c)When Hercules and Meg come from the theater, Hercules says something like, "And that Oedipus guy! Boy, I thought I had problems!" [awkward pause].

+The Character Performances: There are a few characters in this movie that I thought were done extremely well. Before I sat down to watch this film, again, I was thinking, "Please, PLEASE don't let my nostalgia goggles be knocked off!" I was pleased to find that it wasn't.

Hades (voiced by James Woods): I feel he's one of Disney's most likable villains. Where a whole lot of them are just pure, serious evil, Hades has a pretty strong sense of humor, which, as any girl can tell you, is always a plus when a guy is looking to snag a lady. And talk about not missing a beat! He reads his lines so naturally! If anyone reading this has done any acting, you know how impressive that is, especially considering how easy it would be to mess up on his lines. "But they have like, HOW many takes to do this in?!" Yeah, but there can still be some pretty bad voice acting out there. Hades is absolutely not one of them.

Meg (voiced by Susan Egan): Like Hades, she never misses a beat. Boy, you can believe that THOSE two have been hanging with each other for awhile. Actually, what I like about her character is that she's one of the strongest-willed female heroines of any Disney film. Even though by her own admission she's a "Damsel in Distress," I never really got that feeling from her. She seemed determined to get her own way out of the deal with Hades throughout the entire film, and if she couldn't get out, then she would roll with the punches and deal with it. It seemed like the only thing keeping her from seriously whooping up on Hades was her mortality. If she could have been a goddess, she would have stopped Hades from all of his evil plans a loooong time ago. Sadly, she's not that great in the original story. She's Hercules' wife for a while, but then, he kills her in a random fit of rage. Oops. Not so Disney, is it?

Pegasus: Yeah, I know Pegasus wasn't a vocal performance. However, the directing on Pegasus was very good. I always got the impression from Pegasus that he was Hercules' old pal from grade school, and now, they've met up at their frat and they're out just to have a good time. I thought the bird thing was pretty clever, too. Most people, I think, would make Pegasus a noble, serious character, but Disney opted for funny, and I think it worked in this movie. While a lot of Disney's sidekick characters can be annoying, this one isn't.

-Sneaking in the 12 Tasks: This film is FAR from being historically accurate. However, it still manages to sneak in a good deal of Hercules' twelve tasks that he has to perform (I'll let YOU look for them!). Sneaky, Disney, very sneaky.

Cons:

-Historical Inaccuracy: This one doesn't bother me, really. I'm only putting this in here for the people who really want to complain about it. However, it's Disney; they're going to rape the original story. Believe me, if you go into it knowing that, it becomes more like... consensual sex, rather than rape. (okay, horrible analogy, I know.)

-The Characters: While there were some pretty strong characters, a few fell sort of weak, for me.

Philoctetes (voiced by Danny Devito): I know... other people probably really like his character. There's nothing wrong with Mr. Devito's performace; he plays the character well. However, I just don't like Phil as a person. I thought he was borderline obnoxious sidekick (even though he was actually a mentor character), but that was really more of an impression than a real critique of the film.

Pain and Panic (voiced by Bob Goldthwait and Matt Frewer): Okay, these guys WERE obnoxious sidekicks. Their only purpose throughout the whole film was just to annoy me. To me, they felt sort of like what would have happened if Banzai, Shenzi, and Ed from The Lion King would have been played wrong. "If... if is good!" always sort of reminded me of a hyena line that just never made it into The Lion King and got stuck in this film. I think of every character in this film, their performances were the weakest, perhaps because Disney was losing the ability to write good sidekick characters. To be honest, I like it more when I can respect the sidekick characters (eg, every sidekick in the first Aladdin film) rather than look down on them.

-The Disney Formula: At around some point during the Disney Renaissance, they succeeded in creating a certain formula for the perfect story. I swear, this movie had almost every one, except for the one where one of the parents has to be dead. Surprisingly, there are no dead parents in this film (I suppose even Disney can't kill an Olympian god!). However, there was the opening baby bash (Sleeping Beauty, Lion King), the misfit hero who has to prove himself (Aladdin, Mulan), the trade-off-of-skills (The Little Mermaid), etc etc.

~~~

Overall, it was a pretty good film. The complaints that I had were not enough to deter me from enjoying this film. The only thing that saddens me about this film is the fact that the only really good Disney films that came after it were Mulan and the Emperor's New Groove. Oh Disney. If only you'd kept it up.

(P.S.-- you almost didn't get a post, today, because I'm feeling pretty under the weather. Ick. So, if this review felt weak, that's why.)

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!!!

Text of the Week--The Odyssey

Alright, I'll admit; the Odyssey may not be my absolute favorite of all time, but I still have a strange obsession with it, right down to my Odyssey collection. I have the Stanley Lombardo edition, the Richmond Lattimore edition, and the Robert Fitzgerald edition. That's not to mention the fact that every year, our Classical Studies club at our school reads the entire Robert Fagles edition. I'm the one famous for wearing funny hats to the readings.

For today's discussion, I'll be using the Essential Homer, with the Japanese picture on the front cover. After all, it's just been sitting here in my room ever since my last review...

At any rate, let's begin, shall we?

SPOILERS AHOY!

Pros:

+Complex story: The Iliad was a pretty straight forward story, with a pretty straightforward, chronological plot. Not so much with the Odyssey. Even though the Odyssey is about "I AM THE SMARTEST MAN EVER!!!" Odysseus, the story starts off with his son, Telemachus. Poor Telemachus is upset with his mother's suitors, as is his mother, and he really needs to do something about it. In comes Athena, one of the most prominent gods in the book (the other one is obviously Poseidon). The story with Telemachus is one of growing up, aided by Athena; he grows from a little boy who's been bullied by his mother's suitors to a fine young man, ready to aid his father against the horrors that have occured since he sailed off for war so long ago. There's more to the story. As I mentioned, the story is about Odysseus. In book 5, we meet up with Odysseus, again, and he's in trouble, stuck at Calypso's place. Alone. With just her. Wait, wait, wait! What about the bits where he has the crew?! Like with the Cyclops, or with the Circe, who turns the sailors into pigs. Where have those parts gone? Of course, that's what everyone remembers from grade school, because those are the only parts that anyone has to read. All of those parts are couched within books 9-12 as a flashback that Odysseus tells to this guy named Alcinous. The rest of the book concerns Odysseus' last leg of the journey home, as well as beating up on the suitors. As I said, not such a straightforward story...

+The exiting bits: You have to admit, when this story is exciting, it's exciting. I mean, a man eating Cyclops! Beautiful, deadly Sirens! Lotus-Eaters who can't tell when time is passing! A witch who turns people into animals! One-eyed one-horned flying purple people eaters! Wait... nix that last one...

+Penelope and other portrayals of women: You've got to love Penelope. I mean, where else in a Greek text will you get a woman who's smarter than the men? She tricks them all several times (I'll let you read to see what I mean!), and at the end, she's able to keep up with the best of Odysseus' scheming. I suppose the only downside to her character is that she's not there for a lot of the rip-roaring action at the end. I suppose that would be a little much to ask of the Greeks.

The other female portrayal that I like is Calypso, simply for the fact that she brings up an interesting point. In book 5, in lines 118-143, she complains to Hermes that it's not fair that gods can take whatever mortal woman they want for a lover, but that goddesses can't turn around and do the same thing. It's an interesting point to bring up, especially in a culture that's so anti-feminist.

+The "puppy scene:" I call it thus because it's this part that I like to read every year with the group. Here's the lines (emphasis mine):

His hands
Reached out, seized two of them, and smashed them
To the ground like puppies. Their brains spattered out
And oozed into the dirt. He tore them limb from limb
To make his supper, gulping them down
Like a mountain lion, leaving nothing behind--
Guts, flesh, or marrowy bones. (9.280-286)

There's something about that description that makes me belive that the Greeks have some understanding of what it's like to brutally slaughter puppies. Beyond that, that's just a brilliant description of all the gore. Mmm...

+The story of Argus: As strange as it sounds, this scene is perhaps one of the most poignant in the whole story. It's in book 17, from lines 317-354. It's about Odysseus' faithful dog, Argus. That poor dog was so abused while Odysseys was away that it's stuck in manure and infested with lice, so old and abused that he can barely move. Odysseys, upon seeing the dog, cries, but he can't go out and greet it. Instead, he asks the swineherd that he's with, Eumaeus, to tell him about the dog, so Eumaeus does. The last mention of Argus is when Argus dies upon seeing his master return home. Truly, this scene deserves the manliest of tears.

Cons:

-The boring scenes: Remember when I said that most of you only read books 9-12 of the Odyssey in high school? There's a reason for that. Apart from the final battle scene with the suitors, the rest of the book is a little... boring, to say the least. I mean, behold, this scene where Nausicaa plays with a ball.

... Truly, the stuff of legends.

-Anti-climactic ending: For such an epic story, this story ends really... weird. So, after Odysseus kills all the suitors, he goes and has a nice chat with his dad. Well, that's nice! But oh-ho, what's that on the horizon?! The families of the suitors are pissed?! Whatever shall we do, Odysseus?! Aha, we must get prepared for battle! Quick, to arms, to ar--HOLY SHIT, IS THAT ATHENA?! Oh look all of a sudden, everyone sees the error of their ways and are no longer mad. We may all live happily ever after except for Odysseus, who has to do that thing with his oar that Tireseus told him to do in book 11.

... I shit you not, this is how it ends.

-The word "brazier:" I don't think that the Lombardo version uses that word. The Fagles one does. During my first Homerathon, I was challenged with that word up on the podium. I had never seen it before, and my first inclination was to pronounce it like "brassier," the underwear. As soon as I walked off the stage, one of the men there gave me a very stern look and said, "It's pronounced 'BRAY-zee-er.'" Needless to say, I was highly embarrassed, so embarrassed that the next year, I took that same part, again, just so that I could read that word correctly.

-The recognition scene: In book 19, Eurycleia, Odysseus' old nurse, recognizes Odysseus by the scar on his leg. I don't think I've ever read a favorable review of this particular scene. In general, it's depicted as being a weak scene in the Odyssey, due to its simplicity. Personally, I have no particularly strong feelings towards it, but I add it in the cons due to the critic's reactions. As far as I'm concerned, at least it's better than the scene in the Libation Bearers by Aeschylus when Electra identifies her brother Orestes, whom she hasn't seen for YEARS, by the fact that his hair and foot size is the same as hers. Wait... now THAT scene truly confuses me! I have some brothers, and I have to say that my hair and feet are nothing like theirs. In fact, this scene confused the Greeks so much that Euripdes parodied it in his Electra play.

... yeah. At least the recognition scene in the Odyssey isn't as bad as THAT.

~~~

I know that my last two reviews were a little bit far off to one side, to say the least. I think this one straddles the middle pretty well, and in my opinion, the Odyssey is really a middle-of-the-road read. Perhaps not as fun as the Iliad, but at the same time, not as bad as, say, Thucydides.

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST!

Homer. The Essential Homer. Trans. Stanley Lombardo. Indianapolis: Hackett Publishing Company, 2000.

MY VIRUS IS DEAAAAAAAD!!!

Well, I got nuisance off of my computer. YAY! In celebration, I shall have a new post for you tomorrow. It'll be awesome, for it shall be on the Odyssey.

No new blog posts...

Hey, guys! I know, that title is really depressing, especially with the cause. I am not abandoning my children by choice. Unfortunately, I've been hit by a pretty bad virus, so I may have to abandon the blog until I can figure out either how to get rid of it or get a new computer. I'm actually writing this from a school computer. It sucks.

Sorry, guys, but this one is a little out of my control...

Pic of the Week!--Saturn Eating His Kids

Alright, since I had no post on Friday, I'm posting today. From now on, "pic of the week" will happen on Fridays.

Anywho, this week, we're featuring not an ancient artwork, but one that has to do with the ancient world, nonetheless. Behold, I give you CHRONOS!!!

I mean, look at this guy! He's the stuff that nightmares are made of! Who could sleep after staring into those wide eyes, contemplating the arm sticking out of his mouth?? This is one crazy dude! For those of you who don't know the story, he's actually eating one of his kids. The drawback to this picture is that later, Zeus has to go rescue those who have been eaten. That's a little hard to do when they've been ripped apart and chewed up.

At any rate, when the next season of America's Next Top Model airs, I'm voting for this guy to make it to the top! <3

Story of the Week!-- Wait, where's the story??

I know, I know. I promised a blog post on Fridays. Sadly, I'm really not sure how to go about with this particular theme. It was a good idea in theory, but I'm not sure that it's good in practice. I may simply move "Picture of the Week" to "Story of the Week." I mean, this would be SO much better if I could do video. Actually, it would be sort of awesome if I could do video. However, I have neither the time nor the technology to actually learn how to do video, so unless anyone has any better ideas, I'm going to scrap "Story of the Week." It's awfully similar to what I'm doing on Mondays, anyway.

Sorry if there are any broken hearts along the way.

Serious post, guys-- Internet Blackout

This post has nothing to do with Classical Studies. However, as the owner of this blog, I feel like the message needs to be sent out about this.

BASICALLY, New Zealand is creating a law that works by "Guilt by Accusation" for copyright laws. If someone accuses you of breaking a copyright law, even if you didn't actually do the crime, you are automatically sentenced. There is no trial by jury. That's it. You're done. See ya!

This is, of course, an absolute outrage. Murderers get to have a trial-by-jury, but possible copyright offenders don't? I understand the hatred for copyright offenders is pretty strong, but come on, people, be reasonable! EVERYONE deserves a trial-by-jury. EVERYONE. It's especially dangerous on the copyright issue because not a lot of people truly understand copyright laws. Under this law, I predict that there will be a lot of innocent people being found guilty for crimes they never committed.

Anyway, you must be saying by now, "That's terrible! Whatever can we do, o Great-Guru-of-All-Things-Greek?" Let me now direct your eyes to exhibit B (the explanation was exhibit A). This website explains the situation a lot better than I can. Also, there is an internet blackout going on from February 16-23 in protest of this law. If you have a facebook, myspace, twitter, etc., I HIGHLY encourage you to change your picture to the little black box depicted on the site. This way, we can get out our feelings to the New Zealand government that this is not the way laws should be created (btw, this law goes into effect on February 28th). Also, I encourage everyone to sign the petition at the bottom of this page. Artists and non-artists alike can sign!

Go forth, my minions, and do your civic duty!

Modern Adaptation of the Week-- Why Your Professor Hated "300"

I just... I couldn't do it. Earlier today, I was forced to read Looking Backward by Edward Bellamy, and I swear that he stuck in those last 25 pages to make me RAGE LIKE I HAD NEVER RAGED BEFORE. I'm serious; I swore about every couple of paragraphs or so. It was worse than when I read Fruits Basket and swore every time Akito came into the picture.

That being said, I couldn't force myself to watch "300" again. Too much fail in one day for me.

"What?!" you cry. "How on earth could you have hated the movie '300'?! There was blood and guts and awesome fighting scenes and cool special effects and ARGH IT JUST MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE A REAL MAN! LIKE A REAL SPARTAN!"

...

I must admit, upon watching it for the first time, I found it to be pretty damn hilarious, actually. "OH MAN!!! Did you see how his head spun around like that?! PAHAHAHAHAAA!!" (Okay, I admit; I lied on Monday when I said that I don't like blood and guts in my movies. I just... didn't want to seem creepy. Sorry for lying, guys.) However, this is a movie about a bunch of guys dying to protect their homeland. That's not supposed to be funny.

That being said, this movie has three things going for it, as we traverse into the land of...

SPOILERS AHOY!

Positives:

+The really hot guy, Astinos.
+Gratuitous violence
+Excessive use of Photoshop filters

... okay, fine. I'll include the scene where She-Ra (aka "Leonidas' wife") totally screws that one guy over. Even IF her costume is... well... a little bit too revealing for me to take her seriously.

Now, onto the negatives!

-Frank Miller: Yes, I know. "But it's a COMIC BOOOOOK~!" Written by Frank Miller. Written by the same man who wrote All-Star Batman and Robin and wrote the screenplay for The Spirit (Mr. Eisner, I weep for you. I really do.) Seriously, guys, throwing out that it's a comic book doesn't mean that suddenly, the level of expectation for intelligent entertainment has diminished. In fact, go read Watchmen right now. Do it. It will cleanse your brain from the stupid of 300. Actually, I also bring up Watchmen because Alan Moore also thought it sucked, for reasons that I'm going to bring up later in this post. (For those of you who don't know who Alan Moore is, let me just assure you that he knows who you are, for he can see you from out of his crystal ball sculpted from the skull of a succubus that he fought back in his younger years)

All silliness aside, there is just no excuse for dialogue like this:


(Taken from All-Star Batman and Robin)

-Homophobia (or bad research: you decide!): Well, I might as well bring up what Alan Moore had issues with. In fact, I'll let it come from him (taken from this article):

Moore singled out one aspect of Frank Miller's popular "300" as a particularly egregious example of poor research as it relates to GLBT issues. "There was just one particular line in it where one of the Spartan soldiers -- I'll remind you, this is Spartans that we're talking about -- one of them was talking disparagingly about the Athenians, and said, 'Those boy-lovers.' You know, I mean, read a book, Frank. The Spartans were famous for something other than holding the bridge at Thermopylae, they were quite famous for actually enforcing man-boy love amongst the ranks as a way of military bonding."

This fact actually featured prominently in Moore's eight-page graphic history of homosexuality, "Mirror of Love." "That specific example probably says more about Frank's grasp of history than it does about his grasp of homosexuality, so I'm not impugning his moral situation there," Moore clarified. "I'm not saying it was homophobic; just wasn't very well researched. You do still find regrettable examples of this, but I think that if people point them out when they arise, if they're debated, then that can only be a healthy thing.

There you have it, from the man himself. (And for the record, yes, I'm planning to see the new Watchmen movie.)

-Blatant Racism: Alright, so we can make an argument that with the inclusion of the "OMFG WHAT ARE THOSE--?! OH, EPHORS," that perhaps the inclusion of the MONSTER NINJA PERSIANS isn't really racist. However... no. I just... I just can't get around it. Seriously, guys, Persians are still walking around today, only now, we call them Iranians. I understand (though don't agree with) the desire of the US to promote the western culture all around the world, but I'm serious when I say this isn't the way to do it. For those of you who weren't paying attention, there were a lot of hurt feelings over this movie.

That being said, I also want my audience to understand that I don't tend to take the stance of translating the plights of the Greeks/Romans to mean anything to us nowadays. The Athenians were not America, the Spartans were not Russia, and we are not following in the footsteps of Rome. However, this movie smacks of racism, even if it wasn't intentional. Really, I understand the human desire go to beat the crap out of monsters, but this isn't how it should be done. Iranians are people too, dammit.

-Disable...ism...: Who is our main traitor?! Why, it's the dashing young Ephialtes, of course! Unlike the rest of the Spartan army, Ephialtes makes Quasimodo look like a hunk. To tell the truth, I caught this one upon the first time I watched the film. I wonder how this decision was made? "We HAVE to teach our children and grandchildren that people who aren't as beautiful as us are horrible, terrible people! Oh, I know! I'll make our traitor a hunchback! Yeah, that'll work!" If the Elephant Man were alive today, I'm quite sure that he'd have some issues with this movie. [sighs] If only Ephialtes had a beautiful Esmerelda to sing to him, along with a few gargoyle friends, maybe THEN he would have found true happiness without having to betray the entire Spartan army...

-The Oracle Scene: Wait... I'm confused. For anyone who wants a map of Greece, Sparta's way down in the south, while Delphi is quite a bit north from it. Leonidas goes to the Ephors, which are a Spartan group... and then immediately goes to the Delphic oracle. Not only that but... the silly waving around. While a lot of scientists are pretty sure, nowadays, that the Delphic oracle was caused by gasses from the mountains, this scene is just stupid. "WHEEEEE~!!! LOOKIT ME, MOMMY!!! I CAN FLY~!!!" Yeah...

-"It's okay to show boob, but not penis"itis: A lot of movies suffer from this disease. I think it's because of the extraordinarily large amount of directors being male, and while they're perfectly comfortable seeing boob, they're not okay with penis, even though they have one. Perhaps I'm just a sexually frustrated young woman who got pissed for not being able to see Gerard Butler's package. Perhaps that's it... or perhaps I really have some issues with this movie.

-The Blind Guy: Upon studying Herodotus, my history professor once asked, "How did Herodotus know what happened at this battle? No one survived to tell the tale!" To which a student answered, "The guy with one eye did!" [sighs] I'll just leave that one there to speak for itself.

-Historical inacuracies: This has been touched on quite abit. However, I have to make it its own category just to say that I've done something with it. Also, to make my blog sound more educational.

-The 4chan meme: Remember, kids, this is the face that launched a thousand memes:

~~~

Of course, there are probably more issues with this movie, but like I mentioned earlier, I just couldn't sit down and actually watch the damn thing again. I understand that lots of people won't agree with me, and that's fine. However, at the very least, I've given you a little bit of insight as to why your professor thought this movie was shit. I think my history professor said it best...

"Why was there a ten year gap inbetween the Battle of Marathon and the Battle of Thermopylae? Because Xerxes had to go get more peircings and find a rhino to lead the charge!"

... Dammit, I just reminded myself of the rhino scene. [sighs] Well, that's all I really have time for today, cause I have to go and do my GREEK HOMEWORK. See ya, and remember...

CARTHAGO DELENDA EST.

Ancient Text of the Day-- The Iliad

You guys were this close [holds up fingers] to getting a review of Plato. However, I decided that to kick off the new blog, a post about Homer would make much more sense. After all, Homer was without a doubt one of the most revered Greek poets, if not the most. Everyone referred back to him--even Plato. It seems like someone so epic should be the first to be featured.

But then, realization dawned on me while I was taking a shower; shouldn't I just review one piece of some author so that I have more to write about (e.g., Sophocles becomes seven weeks instead of one)? If that's the case, then I'm starting with Homer's Iliad.

Without a doubt, the Iliad is my favorite epic poem of all time. (Paradise Lost is perhaps my second, unless we're including Beowulf in this list. That being said, I like Paradise Lost more for the supernatural scenes and less for the AdamxEve scenes) It has everything: action, war, romance, faked romance, gods, "D'AWWW" scenes, "BAWWWW" scenes, and anything else you could ask for. You know, except for wristwatches, because the Greeks didn't have those.

Anywho, in order to keep bratty kids away from this site, I'm going to write a review, not a summary. If you really need to know what happens in this book so badly, GO READ IT!!! Believe me, it is well worth the effort. That being said, let's plunge into the world of...

SPOILERS AHOY!

In this review, I'm going to give the pros and cons of the Iliad; what makes it work, and what gets under the modern reader's skin. I'll also be using the Stanley Lombardo translation of the Iliad, out of my Essential Homer book. Yes, the one that absolutely doesn't look Greek due to the Japanese picture on the front cover. I suggest this one for anyone who's a beginner with Homer. Not only is the language fresh and modern, but it's also... well... I'll get to that later.

Pros:

+ Complex Situations: I think the best example of that is in the very beginning, when Agamemnon and Achilles are fighting. It's funny, because whenever people read it the first time through, they tend to side with Achilles. On a second time through, a good number of people jump aboard Agamemnon's ship, instead. A good story can do this. I can think of three reasons why this happens: (a)after the first read, most readers get kind of pissy with "BAWWWW WHINY BABY" Achilles, (b)the scope of the story is only more apparent after a first read, and (c)you have to think about the story to appreciate Agamemnon's position. Achilles' stance is pretty easy to sympathize with for the modern reader; who hasn't been snuffed after the manager takes all the credit for all the hard work that you did? Alright, so my manager is actually pretty cool and wouldn't do it, but we can all imagine ourselves in that position, can't we? Less of us have been in that manager position. However, Agamemnon's the head honcho; he's GOT to look better than everyone else in order to keep his troops together. Thus... he gets the girl. Perhaps some people may still disagree with Agamemnon even at this point, but then, I just have to point to "BAWWWW WHINY BABY" Achilles. After awhile, Agamemnon just becomes more... likeable...

+Human scenes: I have to admit that when I first went into Classics, I thought that all the stories would be about flat characters with very little stuffing in them; i.e., one-dimensional caricatures. Not so much with the Iliad. Okay, I've got to admit it; Hector's my favorite character in the entire story, which is interesting, considering the fact that he's not Greek. However, he's definitely the most human character in the entire story. There's a scene in book 6 that best illustrates this point:

With these words, resplendent Hector
Reached for his child, who shrank back screaming
Into his nurse's bosom, terrified of his father's
Bronze-encased face and the horsehair plume
He saw nodding down from the helmet's crest.
This forced a laugh from his father and mother,
And Hector removed the helmet from his head
And set it on the ground all shimmering with light.
Then he kissed his dear son and swung him up gently
And said a prayer to Zeus and the other immortals: (6.491-500)

For those of you who missed it, we basically just had a baby crying because he's afraid of his daddy's war armor, the mom and dad laughing, and then the dad playing with his baby. You have to admit, once you get the mental image, it's terribly cute, especially considering the fact that the Greeks had this nasty habit of drawing children like they're adult midgets. It's easy to think that the Greeks only cared about "WAR!!! ARGH!!!" and neglected their women and children because they looked down on women but really, perhaps our modern mindset doesn't allow for the fact that the Greeks were human, too. A touching scene, to be sure. Actually, I think this scene makes Hector's death even more tragic, despite the fact that he killed one of the other most likeable characters in the story, Patroclus.

Why is Patroclus so likeable? Because he actually sticks with "BAWWWW WHINY BABY" Achilles to the very end, even disguising as Achilles to go help the Greeks because unlike Achilles, he gets it. I'd say that he's a pretty human character, too, because what most of us are lacking in EPIC FIGHTING SKILLS he makes up for in his loyalty and concern and really, that's something that I think we should all aspire to.

+Humor: You didn't think there would be anything funny in this epic, did you? I've got news for you; the Iliad actually has some freaking HILARIOUS scenes! The best of these is a scene in book 14 in which Hera, on a mission to distract Zeus from the war, grabs some Love Potion no. 9 from "I'M DYING FROM A HAND WOUND" Aphrodite. She flies over to Zeus, who proceeds to tell her some most... interesting things...

"Let's get in bed now and make love.
No goddess or woman has ever
Made me feel so overwhelmed with lust,
Not even when I fell for Ixion's wife,
Who bore Peirithous, wise as a god;
Or Danae, with lovely, slim ankles,
Who bore Perseus, paragon of men;
Or the daughter of far-famed Phoenix,
Who bore Minos and godlike Rhadamanthus;
Or Semele; or Alcmene in Thebes,
Who bore Heracles, a stouthearted son;
And Semele bore Dionysus, a joy to humans;
Or Demeter, the fair-haired queen;
Or glorious Leto; or even you--
I've never loved anyone as I love you now,
Never been in the grp of desire so sweet." (14.318-333)

Ladies, how would you feel if your husband just told you about every woman he'd slept with? It doesn't matter that he wants you more; it's still pretty damn insulting! Yet... this is Zeus' form of trying to get it on. Oh Zeus. Don't ever change. I'd miss my giggles if you did.

Also, pushing red shirts out of chariots is pretty damn hilarious, too (5.888-894)

+BLOOD AND GUTS: This may be a negative for some people, but I'm one of those girls who absolutely adores grusome violence... in books. Movies, not so much. Yeah, yeah, so Zeus can't stand those who like violence (5.948-957). Still... it gets to the point of "WOW." My favorite is--dare I say it and not incur the wrath of Zeus?!--the death of Sarpedon, when Patroclus spears him in the chest and then when he takes the spear out, he pulls the lungs out with it (16.492-540). Yummy...

Also, any scene with "BADASS" Diomedes, who is probably my third favorite character for his sheer badassery.

+The line "daimonie schedon elthe": Yes, this line is it's own bullet point. According to Mr. Lombardo, this translates to, "Come closer, sweetheart," followed by "No need to be coy" (13.853). With that inclusion of the word "sweetheart," "daimonie" in the Greek, this scene just becomes gay, and I don't mean happy. By the way, this is Ajax to Hector. Oh, so gay~

+Tragedy: For all the funny scenes, for all the grusome scenes, there's also a lot of really sad scenes. I'll admit it; the deaths of both Hector and Patroclus are sob worthy. There's something truly tragic in the lines, "That was how Patroclus, like a child/Begging for a toy, begged for death" (16.49-50). ... BECAUSE HE WAS BEING A GOOD FRIEND TO "BAWWWW WHINY BABY" ACHILLES!!! And as for Hector, he's just so gosh-darn likeable, and not only because of that scene mentioned earlier. He's not a pansy like his brother Paris (6.328-388), he's an AWESOME warrior, and... and... he's just awesome. I'll admit, even from where "BAWWWW WHINY BABY" Achilles (is that getting old?) sits, there's some sadness, too. Alright, folks, read the famous shield scene in book 18, from lines 504-661, or the end of the book. I'll be here when you get back.

[plays Jeopardy music]

...

[pops some popcorn]

...

[looks at the clock, and then turns off the Jeopardy music]

Alright, now that you've just read about that EPIC SHIELD OF EPICNESS, you're probably wondering what's so sad about it. Answer: "MOMMY DEAREST" Thetis has just told "BAWWWW WHINY BABY" Achilles that he won't be living for long if he goes to kill Hector. So, what exactly is depected on this sheild? Life. Everything that Achilles won't be able to experience once he's dead. Now, that's pretty sad, even if it IS for one of the most annoying characters in this whole book.

Negatives:

-"BAWWWW WHINY BABY" Achilles: Actually, I think he's my only negative. HIS CHARACTER PISSES ME OFF TO NO END!!! Yeah, it's okay if you side with him in the beginning, but dammit, he needs to get his ass into battle WAAAAAY earlier than he does! All he does is just sit around and cry at his mommy (1.362-454), play the lyre (9.186-200), and more than likely screw Patroclus in the ass (oh yeah, I just said that!). Actually, considering the fact that Patroclus is his elder (11.831), Achilles is probably bottom! According to Greek tradition, that is. I-I'm not trying to say that... that... okay, I'm going to shut up about that, now.

Anyway, Achilles is the most self-centered little brat that there is, and only jumps to action when he's been insulted; i.e., with the death of Patroclus. Yeah, he might have really cared for Patroclus, but if he really, really cared for him, he wouldn't have let Patroclus go galavanting off into battle.

...

Alright, fine. I'll concede that Paris is probably more self-centered than Achilles. By just a hair, though.

~~~

So, did ya get all that? The best thing is that I didn't just list off the ONLY good scenes in the book. In fact, there's a whole lot more; I've simply listed off my personal favorites. Have I made you really want to read it, or have I just bored you to tears? I really want to know, with this being the ~*FIRST REAL POST*~ and all.

And remember, Carthago delenda est!

Homer. The Essential Homer. Trans. Stanley Lombardo. Indianapolis: Hackett Publishing Company, 2000.

Happy Lupercalia!

Well, I lied about the Monday thing. I remembered that today is a holiday, so I decided to do something a little special for it!

Dang, I was looking for a picture to put up illustrating it, but the only nice one I found was PROBABLY copyrighted. Oh well.

Since this is an educational opportunity I can't afford to miss, here's a couple of sites about this Roman holiday!

Wikipedia

Some other site

Truthfully, I haven't gone through to make sure that all the info was correct, but on the surface it seemed fine, so there we go! You can now read up on this screwy Roman holiday! (Also, if anyone sees that there IS something factually incorrect about these sites, comment and I'll take the offending site down)

The First Blog Post!

Well, instead of starting this blog out with "So, there was this Plato guy..." I've decided to start out with an introductory post explaining what this blog is going to be for. Basically, it's the most non-serious Classical Studies blog... ever?? I'm not sure. At any rate, I'm going to try to keep things pretty upbeat. HOWEVER, I would very strongly suggest keeping children away from this blog, as it's going to be pretty adult oriented. That means no using this as a research tool for your 5th grader's mythology project. That's not how we roll here, even if I do post up a review of something that is geared toward children.

Speaking of reviews, I might as well lay out how this blog is going to work. I am a very busy college senior with a very heavy case of senioritis. This blog won't be updated every day. Instead, I'm going to have certain days at which I update with certain features. So far, I have...

• Picture of the Week! (Sundays)-- I'll post up some horribly obscene/interesting piece of ancient artwork and comment on it. Also, it may not necessarily be "ancient;" it may only pertain to the Ancients, but if that's the case, I probably won't include anything on here that was created within the last 50 years or so.
  
• Writer of the Week! (Mondays)-- I swear I'll make this day more interesting than it's going to sound here. On Mondays, I'll be writing on some ancient author that I think everyone needs to look into.
  
• Modern Adaptation of the Week! (Wednesdays)-- I'll write some review of a modern work (within the past 100 years? Yeah, I'll go with that, for now) that pertains to Classics.
• Story of the Week! (Fridays)-- Ahaha, this is where I sit down and tell you all a little story about those dead old Mediterranean men. My way. Which means that you're all in for something between disaster and a roller coaster ride of daring doom and defeat. Something like that, anyway....

See how that's going to work? Now, if I have anything else I want to write about, I'll include it, so don't assume that I'm ONLY going to review on Sun/Mon/Wed/Fri. However, I'll make an effort to most definitely blog on those days.

So, now that I've probably scared you away from my blog, what with all that EDUCATION, I'll also warn that this is probably going to be less educational than it sounds. I believe in using humor as an educational tool, so there we go.

... I feel like I need to do some stand-up comedy just to show you guys that I really am funny. Oh well. I'll probably put up my first post on Monday. See you then!